2nd Annivvvv

BUEHEHEHE telat update nih
tanggal 31 Maret kmrn eike dua tahunan loh book! tapi berhubung ga sempet-sempet update, jadi ngaret deh nulisnyaa.
yaaa gapapa dah, better late than nothing at all wkwk
tadinya mau sok-sok dinner kan tuh buat ngerayain, tapi H-1 sebelum dinner, akhirnya rencana dinner itu terpaksa dibatalkan. KENAPHUAAA?
karena... gue males. hahahaha males broh, ga gue banget deh itu sok-sokan dinner sok romantis. menurut gue ga ada memory nya banget kalo cuma makan terus pulang ._.
jadii...... gua berhasil maksa dan nodong laki gue buat ngerayain dua tahunan di pulau seribu!! yeaaaaaahuw! setelah perjuangan yang cukup keras maksanya.
sooo, here's the pic!

Insecure.

Halo! Hola! Hello!
Mayan nih uda lama gak posting, abisan gak ada yg menarik di idup gue. Biasa-biasa aja. Happy kagak, sedih juga kaga, jd bingung mau posting apa kmrn2. Tapi tapi tapi... Gue merasa agak aneh dan random nihya. Gue lagi sering banget ngerasa insecure gitudeh gakbanget.
Gue kaya ngerasa takut & ga aman, tapi gue juga gatau apa yang mesti ditakutin sebenernya. Gila kan? Congratulation deh gue, mungkin otak gue udah gasruk.
Hmm. Atau mungkin nih ya, karena idup gue lagi enak-enak aja ga ada hambatan belakangan ini, terus gue malah jadi takut sendiri. Takut kalo sewaktu-waktu semuanya rusak, ancur, kandas in a sudden.gitu kali ya?
Belakangan kan sering tuh ya gue ngepost ttg gue takut bokap-nyokap gue makin tua blablabla gtu. Nah skrg beda nyet!
Gue malu sebenernya ngasih taunya. Soalnya ini gak bgt. Sumpah. Tau bangetdeh ini pasti bakal diketawain -_- hem. Jadi sebenernya kawan-kawan, gue ini lagi takut ditinggal laki gueee!! Huaaaaaa aneh bgt kan? Yah freak lu Pang..
Ehserius tapi. Beneran nih. Duh gimana ya jelasinnya? Hubungan gue sih lagi ga renggang, lagi ga se-hot Jupe sama Gaston juga sih. Tapi auk deh kenapa bisa tiba-tiba takut sendiri. Emang freak kali gue. Ck.
Gue takut ditinggalin abisnya. Takut nanti nya ada cewe lain yang lebih menarik hatinya atau gimana gitu. Atau malah dia jenuh bosen sama gue. Atau dia ga kuat sama tingkah annoying gue. Atau apadah gitu. Yah jangan sampe deh, beneran gak tau bakal gimana jadinya kalo kejadian beneran. Ga siap sama sekali huhu ya Allah jangan ya, ya Allah, daripada saya ga kuat terus mati diem-diem bunuh diri pake tali? AMIT-AMIT!
Eh tengsin abis ampe orang nya baca blog gue -_- pasti gede kepala najong.
Jadi harus apa ini gueee??? Gausah dipikirin? Palelu! Lu kira gampang kali kaga mikirinnya. Hem tapi sebenernya sih simpel ya, gue cuma harus ngurangin sifat jelek gue biar dia makin cita (hoek!), terus gue harus bae-bae ga banyak tingkah, terus kalo ntar ada cewe lain? Ya kalo itusih diluar kendali gue ya, mungkin kalopun ntar (amit-amit) sampe ada, berarti ya emang bukan buat gue atau belom waktunya kali (sok abis) dan kalo kalo ada, siap-siap aja lu Sa ketimpuk batako!!!!! HEHEHE.

And to you who supposed to read this, please notice this.
I may not a Type of girl you want to be with, i know.
I may not a girl who talks sweet and lovely to you, i absolutely know.
I may not a type of girl who has a perfect brain beauty and behavior, i know it well.
But one thing i absolutely sure about,
I deeply in love with you, and i love every single thing about you, im so unconditionally in love with you in the name of God sumpah deh

Im so afraid. If one day when you wake up, you realize that im not even worth it. If one day your eyes see someone much better than me? If one day you think that you cant stand beside me anymore.
One thing, dont leave..
Because you absolutely have no idea, how much you mean to me.

Too fast to think about marriage, too fast to think about our future, too fast to think about having kids.. I know.
But this feeling also grow fast. And i can help my self to not to think about that, with you.
Yes you. The one who supposed reading this.

I love you.

9

Went Out Swimming

Ocha, little sissy.

Boyfie n' Sissy.

You're The Reason Why, Ganesha..

I laughed a lot because of you
I cried a lot because of you
I believed in love because of you.

i miss you when something really good happens, i do..

because you're the one i want to share it with.

i miss you when something is troubling me, i do..

because you're the one who undestands me well.

i miss you when i laughed and cry, i do..

because you're the one that makes my laughter grow & my tears disappears.

i miss you the most when i lay awake at night and think about all of the best and most memorable times of my life, i do..

because you're the reason why.

T.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

for all the things weve been through, i want u to know that
i want u to stay here with me forever and more..
with u,
i want to build a better tomorrow


with love, T!

Let Me Introduce! :D

 First.



my new silly bang

Second.



the man I once ignored

named, Ganesha Kushendra :-)

now i know

at least now i know,

it's like..

boy : goodbye

girl : why? :(

boy : i found someone better

girl : i did too! ... but i closed my eyes, just to stay with you

Confession.

Why do we never know what we've got till its gone? The feelings come back to me but in the time where I finally starting to let it go. I thought the feeling has gone, forever. But my guessing is wrong.
Nyesel. Itutuh bener-bener deskripsi yang pantes buat ngewakilin apa yang gue rasain sekarang. Dulu gue selalu ngerasa, "I'll be ok, with or without him." Terus seiring berjalannya waktu nih, dan seiring dengan ketakutan gue tentang akan deketnya dia sama oknum lain, gue ngerasa ada sesuatu yang ga beres sama gue. Gue yang awalnya ga ngerasa ada beban apa-apa kalaupun dia pergi baru mulai ngerasa seberapa penting nya dia di hidup gue, dan jujur gue ga rela SAMA SEKALI kalo dia sampe jatoh ke tangan orang lain. Serius nih ga pake lebay. Gue ngerasa 'sesek', ga tau sih tapi rasanya kaya there's a big hole in my lungs. Gila deh gue ga nyangka bakal gini impact nya.
Jujur gue sempet mikir buat ikhlasin cowo ini ke cewe lain, terus terima kenyataan dan move on ke orang lain juga. Tapi ga bisaa! Gue ga bisa ikhlas. Gue masih mikir kaya "itu kan punya gue, itu punya nya Tipang". Dan balik lagi, gue selalu mikir, yaudah lah mau diapain lagi? Udah takdirnya kaya gini.
Tapi sekarang gue sadar, cuma pengecut dan pecundang yang pasrah sama takdir tanpa berbuat apa-apa. Destiny is only an excuse for those losers who aren't brave enough to fight! Terus gue mulai mikir, why don't I try to fix my faults? Gue tau ini telat, tapi lebih baik terlambat kan daripada enggak sama sekali? Daripada gue cuma diem dan pasrah liat orang yang gue sayang pergi gitu aja, sedangkan gue cuma bisa nyeselin semuanya?
Hadeh. Sekarang, gue ngerasa ga punya otak, perasaan dan harga diri banget. Hu hu hu. Kenapa gue bisa-bisanya ninggalin orang sebaik dia, nyakitin orang sebaik dia, jauhin orang sebaik dia sedangkan orang diluar sana kesusahan dapet orang yang baik, gue malah nyia-nyiain gitu aja? Ah tolol! I wish I didn't act dumb and stupid, I wish I knew it from the very first, I wish I have a second chance to fix it all :-(
Beberapa orang diluar sana boleh bilang gue plin-plan, gue jahat, gue ga punya perasaan, gue mainin perasaan orang.. Ok, gue terima! I'll accept it. Terserah mau bilang gue apa, tapi gue cuma mau ngejar sesuatu yang punya peran besar di hidup gue. Cukup  banget buat gue ngerasain keilangan 'sesuatu' itu buat beberapa waktu ini, dan gue ga mau keilangan itu lagi kedepannya. Ga akan.
Now.. Is it too late for me to come back? Is it possible for me to knock your heart for the second time? Is it okay to you after what I've done to you? Rasanya gue bener-bener pengen banting setir, make a U-turn and back to the place where I belong.. Mungkin sekarang waktunya buat perbaikin semua salah gue, gue yang mulai semuanya, gue juga yang sekarang mesti benerin semuanya. Apapun. Asal semua bisa balik kaya dulu lagi. Kayanya nyelesein semuanya pelan-pelan lebih dewasa dibanding gue cuma diem, bengong, dan nyeselin semua yang udah kejadian with doing nothing. Yakan?

Oh ya.. And for someone out there, thanks for being so kind to me, thanks for making me laugh till my stomach's aching when I didn't even want to smile, thanks for teaching a lot of things in life, thanks for being there.. I'm sorry, but you'd better find your destiny. I've been making a lot of mistakes to you. I'm a total jerk yet a major bitch. But I didn't want this way either. You deserve more, and the more is not in me. To me, you're a very very good and kind guy, you're the best example of a kind and loving brother. I'm so so so sorry, I know sorry wouldn't be enough and this isn't fair enough for you. But what can I do for more? Hh.


For last, I will confess,
I STILL LOVE YOU AND I REALLY DO!
I WANT YOU AND JUST YOU TO BE HERE BY MY SIDE!
I'M SORRY FOR LETTING YOU DOWN FOR MANY TIMES AND HURTING YOU SO BADLY!
ALL I ASK IS A SECOND CHANCE!
LISTEN, HEY YOU.. YES YOU, YOU MY G! I KNOW YOU'LL READ THIS!
I KNOW YOU'LL BE CHECKING  AT THIS BLOG! I KNOW YOU STILL CHECKING AT MY BLOG, TWITTER, ETC. SO PLEASE LISTEN AND KEEP IN MIND THAT YOU STILL HAVE MY HEART!

P.S : Everyone deserves for a second chance, right?

Pieces Dont Fit In Anymore

Hey peeps, long time no talk. I'm feeling bad for not sharing about what's on my mind lately on this blog and kept it all inside just like the words unsaid..

Now, I want to tell you, the whole situation that's been bothering me lately.
*taking a deep sigh*

Remember what I wrote in several months ago? About I found the one I was feeling right with? And how comfortable I was in that situation? Yeap! That boy. That G..
The situation has changed. Continually changing.

At first on October I actually thought that something went wrong between us, like I'm not sitting in the right chair or like I can't sleep in the bed even if I'm feeling tired. Just like that. Simple, but....that's bothering a lot.
Ok I thought at first, its probably because of my new life and atmosphere in college, and I thought it will be alright as it was before later. But sadly, its not.

In November, the situation became so much harder. I didn't know why but I rarely contact him and became easily mad at him. I'm feeling bad for doing it to him.

In December, geez! I thought everything's gambling. Its like playing a game and I know exactly I will lose, I really wanna stop, I wish for a restart button but I couldn't. Hah!
I kept on trying to make things right the way it used to be.. I had been trying. So hard. But the result? Big no! Situation's becoming so much complicated.

January, this month.. I was like "omg, will it be back and be alright because I'm just bored with the relationship" or "is it because of he's not the one and he's not that into me" aaaa confusing! Believe me, I'm afraid of taking the wrong path. Huhu.

Hmm did I make something wrong?

Believe me, I have no will to do that! I didn't even want to!
Do not ask why, because I didn't want it either but I have to let it be.
Actually at first I was like happy with him, so much! But as the time go
es by, something felt so wrong in here. Had been fall before, so I can easily compare how worth dying for it was with this situation. And there's a
big line between it two. The situation's different.

But I think, I have to be brave enough to make a decision..
I've been showing how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone.
I can't exactly explain why it's not enough, because I gave it all to him. And nothing seems to work.
Even if I just explain nothing if he asked me what went wrong. That makes me feel guilty because its like I'm leaving him by his side with the words unsaid. My words won't catch the air. It can't be spoken and that's such a big burden!
Well I guess I understand it all now, It's the better thing to do if he wants to leave. Believe me, its better for him to leave.
It's time to surrender. It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying when the pieces don't fit anymore

Ya,
The pieces don't fit in anymore..
I'm sorry. We have to walk in different way now..
We've had enough of trying.
May the best always be with you.
Thanks for being so kind...
I'm sorry for being such a total bitch! :-(

Tipang.

Gee Love!

Hello. im so in the good mood for writing something. hmm wait.. hah, it's been 3 months since ive been dating with my boy and i havent even told you all about him? so sorry :( just blame it on me.my bad, hehe. soooooo.... his initial is G.

he's my classmate in my 3rd year at school. i hardly ever talked to him before, and i cant even remember how can we get so cloose. whatever...im just feeling so right whenever im with him. he makes me laugh with everything he's done. he gives me fun. I'm enjoying all the moments we spent together. Miww ;3
 romantic guy? definitely not! he's such a spontaneus guy with a lot of error and stupidity in his brain LOL! ngahahaha silly is his middle name.
sounds emo but, i dont know what should i do if i lose him.. for heaven's sake! please, i wish it wont ever happen. i want him to stay here, right beside me. forever and ever :p aaaaa im starting to miss him :(

oke enough then, i'll be right back very soon!
promise you :)
AAAARGH, i love you, Gee! :D

Loving-Bear

a very adorable loving bear,

given by my Boyf.

named Pom-pom!

just to make you know

hey there, i dont know why but i really want 'you' to read this
hem i want to stop pretending and lying to my own heart
ya about three or four months ago, i kept on saying I have totally forgotten bout you
and now...................................i want you to know the truth
I never really stop loving you, I just learned about how to survive and how to live without you around
i still remember the fragnance of your favourite plain blue giordano tshirt, can you believe that? yet. i havent even deleted and removed all of our photos since youve been away. in my cellphone. in my wallet.
should i mention it all to make you know? to make you understand that im not really moving? hah?
OH MY EFFING GOD!! its been almost six months and still i can feel you around.
the worst thing is, im holding on someone who doesnt want to be held on to. ironic? yes it does.
i got tired of waiting. wondering if you were ever comin back. my faith in you is fading, baby. i know you wont return. i guess i really know it.
one thing, you saw me crying over month and months and you still didn't care about me?!

nite readers, TIPANG
P.S : i know it just makes me worse and worse, but yes, i hope i'll see your face again

love? just sweet beginning and bitter ending

setuju gak sama judulnya? gue setuju banget loh. hem menurut gue ini topik yang sangat interesting, kenapa? karena actually udah berulang-ulang kali gue denger dan tau tentang cerita-cerita semacem&sejenis ini
awal-awal nya jadian atau suka sama orang ih emang nyenengiiin banget, but as the time goes by, ujng-ujung nya selalu aja ngeselin dan ga ngenakin. ya ga? ya kan?
kadang gue kesel juga, kenapa ya kebanyakan korban dari sakit ati dan sedih-sedihan tuh selalu cewe? apa mungkin karena cewe lebih pake perasaan daripada logika-nya? tapi tetep aja loh gue ga habis pikir. dih.
belakangan ini kayanya banyaak banget yang ngerasa sedih-sedih karena cowonya ninggalin lah, atau mantannya udah jadian lagi.
hem, perlu gue kasih contoh? Vira, sahabat gue yang gue sayaaang banget. mantannya yg sebenernya masih dia sayang udah jadian lagi beh. ada juga Hani, temen sekelas gue. mantannya yg dikira masi ngerasain hal yg sama kaya yg dia rasain ternyata udah deketin cewe lain. hem.dan masih banyak lagi deh, gue ampe lupa siapa aja.

so, tiap kali gue ngasih advice ke siapapun yang ngerasa down kaya gitu, gue selalu bilang, "AYO DONG MOVE-ON! TUNJUKIN KE COWO BRENGSEK ITU KALO LO BISA GA ADA DIA!" eeeh mereka selalu bilang, "GA BISA, TIPAAANG! LO KIRA GAMPANG APA?! LO MAH GA NGERASAIN SIH" nah loh, dia balik ngomel -_-

gini ya, gue ngomong kaya gitu bener-bener cuma mau nyadarin lo semua kalo elo itu nangisin sesuatu yg sebenernya ga pantes lo tangisin. idihh kalo gue jadi elo, mendingan gue nangisin apa kek yg lebih penting, zet. nah, kalo gue dibilang ga tau rasa-nya kaya apaaaa...................GUE TAU BANGET RASANYA KAYA GIMANA WOOOOY! bahkan mungkin yang gue rasain itu tiga kali lebih parah daripada yg elo semua rasain. ape? mau tau kenape? ah gue ogah ngebahasnya. haram.

nih ya, fakta yg harus lo tau tentang cowo brengsek yg lo puja-puja dan elo tangis-tangisin sampe sekarang.
buat elo yang ngerasa setelah putus mantan lo masih punya perasaan yg sama kaya yang lo pendem sekarang, beh. mending buang jauh-jauh eh pikiran kaya gitu daripada sakit ati sendiri.
didepan lo mungkin dia bisa aja sok sok ga bisa move on juga lah, sok sok masih sayang lah hadaaaaah, youd better stop hoping for them.
mau tau bukinya? nih. kasusnya Vira, didepan Vira, mantannya tuh masih bilang "aku syg bgt vir sm kamu blablabla" dan beberapa hari kemudian, di facebook cowo itu udah in a relationship with the other girl.si Hani juga gitu tuh, mantannya masih bilang, sayang-sayang telek ayam gitudeh, padahaaal JENG JENG JENG JENG ketauan deh dia deket sama cewe lain yg notabene adek kelasnya. banyak lah cerita-cerita sejenis kaya gini.

sumpadeh ga ada guna nya elo mikirin orang yg jelas-jelas ga ada guna nya buat dipikirin.
 okedeh gni, gue buka kartu biar lo sadar. gue dulu empat tahun jadian sama orang. EMPAT? ya empat tahun. lama kan? seiring berjalannya waktu nihye, gue makin makin dan makin....hem, sayang dan gue ngerasa dia juga ngerasa hal yg sama. tapi laluuu, akhirnya he dumped me, bilangnya sih gara-gara lg ga mau pacaran lah apa bullshit. tapi ternyata dia bosen sama gue, wtf. haha
terus akhirnya putus deh dan tiap kali gue tanya dia deket sama orang atau engga, dia selalu bilang "SUMPAH YA KAGA" dan gue pun percaya-percaya aja. dan, belakangan gue tau ternyata dia deketin cewe lain yg notabene adek kelas gue. itu tuh padahal  baru sekitar 3 minggu setelah gue putus haha, gilakan. gue sempet mikir, anjrit, 4 tahun itu ga lo anggep apa-apa sampe lo secepet itu dapet pengganti gue?! padahal semua yg lo mau udah gue kasih dan gue turutin! hahaha goblok. sama lah gue ngelakuin kaya apa yg lo semua lakuin. abis itu nangis-nangis lah, ngecekin fb, twitter, pm dll nya lah haha. padahal sebelum tau dia deket ama orang, tiap liat pm/tweet/status nya, gue selalu ngerasa itutuh buat gue. padahal ternyata? sampah.

terus mulai deh gue melewati masa masa yg gue anggap kelam bgt. kayanya mau senyum aja susah. i was just faking a smile deh pokoknya. terus gue ngerasa ga akan bisa lupa, ga akan bisa move on. crying on my bed tiap hari sebelum tidur ampe guling gua penuh ingus. terus gue sempet bilang ke temen gue, namanya awi. "wi gue ga bakalan lupa ini taruhan deh sama gue. satu satunya cara yang bisa bikin gue lupa kayanya cuma amnesia deh. kayanya gua mesti jedukin pala gua ke aspal deeeeeh" si awi nya ngakak ngakak aje. gila, percaya ga lo, gue selebay itu? untung ga gue lakuin ya Allah kalo engga gue pasti mati sia-sia. haha terus yaaaa gue liat tweet nya yg katanya seneng bgt kalo lagi sama gebetan baru nya itu. haha drop sih waktu itu. hem

terus abis itu gue ngapain? spending all my life stuck in yesterday? hell no! ya enggaklah. idup gue terlalu berarti buat terus nginget-nginget gituan. oke kejadian itu forgiven lah, but not forgotten. itu gue anggep sebagai lesson of life.gue delete semua yg gue anggep ga guna tuh. msn, bbm dan lain lainnya gue block,delete dan unfollow. so? look at me now. i've been there on your position but i moved on.

yayaya, lo pasti mau bilang, susah mau move on. ga bisa berhenti mikirin mantan lo lah. ga bisa lupain lah. eh bego, melek! (maaf ya gue kasar, abis gimana dong biar lo sadar) hem idup lo masih panjang! cowo juga gak cuma satu. lo ga akan bisa lupa kalolo terus-terusan mikir, "gue ga bisa move-on dan ga bisa lupaaa" wah wah. dan lo juga ga akan bisa kalo lo terus-terusan ngecek-ngecek semua yg berhubungan tentng tu orang. apalagi dengerin lagu mellow mulu. (percaya ga, gue delete semua lagu yg mellow-mellow di song list gue waktu itu) elo bisa kalo lo niat dan bener-bener mau! buktinya gue! and see, gue bisa!
so maybe thats all for today. if you want to ask or you need an advice, you can just go and come to me if you want to. or you can also send me an email on tiarapangestika@gmail.com or pangtipang@hotmail.com
idih najis gua uda kayak konsultan cinta HAHAHA


be brave, girls. you guys are just too worth it. you deserve more than this.
(maaf banget kalo postingan gue kali ini terkesan ngejelek-jelekin cowo. ini cuma berbagi pengalaman kok judulnya. dan perlu diinget! ga semua cowo kaya gini, ok?)

with full of joy, TIPANG