no perfect father

video iklan asuransi thailand yg durasinya cuma 3 menit, tapi bisa bikin gue nangis kejer sampe hampir 120menit.

"there are no perfect fathers.. but a father will always love perfectly"

Insecure.

Halo! Hola! Hello!
Mayan nih uda lama gak posting, abisan gak ada yg menarik di idup gue. Biasa-biasa aja. Happy kagak, sedih juga kaga, jd bingung mau posting apa kmrn2. Tapi tapi tapi... Gue merasa agak aneh dan random nihya. Gue lagi sering banget ngerasa insecure gitudeh gakbanget.
Gue kaya ngerasa takut & ga aman, tapi gue juga gatau apa yang mesti ditakutin sebenernya. Gila kan? Congratulation deh gue, mungkin otak gue udah gasruk.
Hmm. Atau mungkin nih ya, karena idup gue lagi enak-enak aja ga ada hambatan belakangan ini, terus gue malah jadi takut sendiri. Takut kalo sewaktu-waktu semuanya rusak, ancur, kandas in a sudden.gitu kali ya?
Belakangan kan sering tuh ya gue ngepost ttg gue takut bokap-nyokap gue makin tua blablabla gtu. Nah skrg beda nyet!
Gue malu sebenernya ngasih taunya. Soalnya ini gak bgt. Sumpah. Tau bangetdeh ini pasti bakal diketawain -_- hem. Jadi sebenernya kawan-kawan, gue ini lagi takut ditinggal laki gueee!! Huaaaaaa aneh bgt kan? Yah freak lu Pang..
Ehserius tapi. Beneran nih. Duh gimana ya jelasinnya? Hubungan gue sih lagi ga renggang, lagi ga se-hot Jupe sama Gaston juga sih. Tapi auk deh kenapa bisa tiba-tiba takut sendiri. Emang freak kali gue. Ck.
Gue takut ditinggalin abisnya. Takut nanti nya ada cewe lain yang lebih menarik hatinya atau gimana gitu. Atau malah dia jenuh bosen sama gue. Atau dia ga kuat sama tingkah annoying gue. Atau apadah gitu. Yah jangan sampe deh, beneran gak tau bakal gimana jadinya kalo kejadian beneran. Ga siap sama sekali huhu ya Allah jangan ya, ya Allah, daripada saya ga kuat terus mati diem-diem bunuh diri pake tali? AMIT-AMIT!
Eh tengsin abis ampe orang nya baca blog gue -_- pasti gede kepala najong.
Jadi harus apa ini gueee??? Gausah dipikirin? Palelu! Lu kira gampang kali kaga mikirinnya. Hem tapi sebenernya sih simpel ya, gue cuma harus ngurangin sifat jelek gue biar dia makin cita (hoek!), terus gue harus bae-bae ga banyak tingkah, terus kalo ntar ada cewe lain? Ya kalo itusih diluar kendali gue ya, mungkin kalopun ntar (amit-amit) sampe ada, berarti ya emang bukan buat gue atau belom waktunya kali (sok abis) dan kalo kalo ada, siap-siap aja lu Sa ketimpuk batako!!!!! HEHEHE.

And to you who supposed to read this, please notice this.
I may not a Type of girl you want to be with, i know.
I may not a girl who talks sweet and lovely to you, i absolutely know.
I may not a type of girl who has a perfect brain beauty and behavior, i know it well.
But one thing i absolutely sure about,
I deeply in love with you, and i love every single thing about you, im so unconditionally in love with you in the name of God sumpah deh

Im so afraid. If one day when you wake up, you realize that im not even worth it. If one day your eyes see someone much better than me? If one day you think that you cant stand beside me anymore.
One thing, dont leave..
Because you absolutely have no idea, how much you mean to me.

Too fast to think about marriage, too fast to think about our future, too fast to think about having kids.. I know.
But this feeling also grow fast. And i can help my self to not to think about that, with you.
Yes you. The one who supposed reading this.

I love you.

Scared of The Death

what comes thru my mind lately that bothered me is about
FEAR OF THE DEATH OF THE LOVED ONES.
I do afraid of death. I do. Who doesn't?
 Because I'm not even halfway done to be a good person, not even close to. That's why i think i haven't even ready yet to it. Hii, astagfirullah deh bayanginnya aja ga sanggup x_x
But what makes it even harder is the death of ur loved ones, it can be mum, papa, siblings, grandma/pa, best friend, lover or anybody that i loved. Indeed.
Death comes to everybody in this world. Anybody without exceptions. It will happen, sooner or later. You just don't know when. when it's gonna happen.
When I think about it, especially when it comes to my beloved mum and darling papa, I can't help myself not to cry. My eyes suddenly teary every time it comes thru my mind. For God sake, I don't want it to happen. I just don't want to sumpeeh :-(
I can't even imagine it, what would it be if they would all disappear? Who else to stand with me? Who else to stand behind my back to back me up? Who else to calm me down when I'm down down down to the ground? Naaaaaa :(
I can easily depend and wish everything to everyone around me that i trust, then when it comes to 'how would it be without them?' Maybe I'd rather let myself disappear and eaten by this motha Earth. Swear! Too hard to imagine. Too painful to feel.
Blah!
Enough I can't continue writing this emotional post wakaka.
I hope I can put these scary thoughts away, ogah gua mikirin beginian mulu. Bisa gila!
Fuu, may the power of mind lead thru o:)

PS: the closer you are to death, the more you feel you are alive.
Have a blessing day. may God always be with u all! ^^,
T.

now i know

at least now i know,

it's like..

boy : goodbye

girl : why? :(

boy : i found someone better

girl : i did too! ... but i closed my eyes, just to stay with you

Confession.

Why do we never know what we've got till its gone? The feelings come back to me but in the time where I finally starting to let it go. I thought the feeling has gone, forever. But my guessing is wrong.
Nyesel. Itutuh bener-bener deskripsi yang pantes buat ngewakilin apa yang gue rasain sekarang. Dulu gue selalu ngerasa, "I'll be ok, with or without him." Terus seiring berjalannya waktu nih, dan seiring dengan ketakutan gue tentang akan deketnya dia sama oknum lain, gue ngerasa ada sesuatu yang ga beres sama gue. Gue yang awalnya ga ngerasa ada beban apa-apa kalaupun dia pergi baru mulai ngerasa seberapa penting nya dia di hidup gue, dan jujur gue ga rela SAMA SEKALI kalo dia sampe jatoh ke tangan orang lain. Serius nih ga pake lebay. Gue ngerasa 'sesek', ga tau sih tapi rasanya kaya there's a big hole in my lungs. Gila deh gue ga nyangka bakal gini impact nya.
Jujur gue sempet mikir buat ikhlasin cowo ini ke cewe lain, terus terima kenyataan dan move on ke orang lain juga. Tapi ga bisaa! Gue ga bisa ikhlas. Gue masih mikir kaya "itu kan punya gue, itu punya nya Tipang". Dan balik lagi, gue selalu mikir, yaudah lah mau diapain lagi? Udah takdirnya kaya gini.
Tapi sekarang gue sadar, cuma pengecut dan pecundang yang pasrah sama takdir tanpa berbuat apa-apa. Destiny is only an excuse for those losers who aren't brave enough to fight! Terus gue mulai mikir, why don't I try to fix my faults? Gue tau ini telat, tapi lebih baik terlambat kan daripada enggak sama sekali? Daripada gue cuma diem dan pasrah liat orang yang gue sayang pergi gitu aja, sedangkan gue cuma bisa nyeselin semuanya?
Hadeh. Sekarang, gue ngerasa ga punya otak, perasaan dan harga diri banget. Hu hu hu. Kenapa gue bisa-bisanya ninggalin orang sebaik dia, nyakitin orang sebaik dia, jauhin orang sebaik dia sedangkan orang diluar sana kesusahan dapet orang yang baik, gue malah nyia-nyiain gitu aja? Ah tolol! I wish I didn't act dumb and stupid, I wish I knew it from the very first, I wish I have a second chance to fix it all :-(
Beberapa orang diluar sana boleh bilang gue plin-plan, gue jahat, gue ga punya perasaan, gue mainin perasaan orang.. Ok, gue terima! I'll accept it. Terserah mau bilang gue apa, tapi gue cuma mau ngejar sesuatu yang punya peran besar di hidup gue. Cukup  banget buat gue ngerasain keilangan 'sesuatu' itu buat beberapa waktu ini, dan gue ga mau keilangan itu lagi kedepannya. Ga akan.
Now.. Is it too late for me to come back? Is it possible for me to knock your heart for the second time? Is it okay to you after what I've done to you? Rasanya gue bener-bener pengen banting setir, make a U-turn and back to the place where I belong.. Mungkin sekarang waktunya buat perbaikin semua salah gue, gue yang mulai semuanya, gue juga yang sekarang mesti benerin semuanya. Apapun. Asal semua bisa balik kaya dulu lagi. Kayanya nyelesein semuanya pelan-pelan lebih dewasa dibanding gue cuma diem, bengong, dan nyeselin semua yang udah kejadian with doing nothing. Yakan?

Oh ya.. And for someone out there, thanks for being so kind to me, thanks for making me laugh till my stomach's aching when I didn't even want to smile, thanks for teaching a lot of things in life, thanks for being there.. I'm sorry, but you'd better find your destiny. I've been making a lot of mistakes to you. I'm a total jerk yet a major bitch. But I didn't want this way either. You deserve more, and the more is not in me. To me, you're a very very good and kind guy, you're the best example of a kind and loving brother. I'm so so so sorry, I know sorry wouldn't be enough and this isn't fair enough for you. But what can I do for more? Hh.


For last, I will confess,
I STILL LOVE YOU AND I REALLY DO!
I WANT YOU AND JUST YOU TO BE HERE BY MY SIDE!
I'M SORRY FOR LETTING YOU DOWN FOR MANY TIMES AND HURTING YOU SO BADLY!
ALL I ASK IS A SECOND CHANCE!
LISTEN, HEY YOU.. YES YOU, YOU MY G! I KNOW YOU'LL READ THIS!
I KNOW YOU'LL BE CHECKING  AT THIS BLOG! I KNOW YOU STILL CHECKING AT MY BLOG, TWITTER, ETC. SO PLEASE LISTEN AND KEEP IN MIND THAT YOU STILL HAVE MY HEART!

P.S : Everyone deserves for a second chance, right?

Pieces Dont Fit In Anymore

Hey peeps, long time no talk. I'm feeling bad for not sharing about what's on my mind lately on this blog and kept it all inside just like the words unsaid..

Now, I want to tell you, the whole situation that's been bothering me lately.
*taking a deep sigh*

Remember what I wrote in several months ago? About I found the one I was feeling right with? And how comfortable I was in that situation? Yeap! That boy. That G..
The situation has changed. Continually changing.

At first on October I actually thought that something went wrong between us, like I'm not sitting in the right chair or like I can't sleep in the bed even if I'm feeling tired. Just like that. Simple, but....that's bothering a lot.
Ok I thought at first, its probably because of my new life and atmosphere in college, and I thought it will be alright as it was before later. But sadly, its not.

In November, the situation became so much harder. I didn't know why but I rarely contact him and became easily mad at him. I'm feeling bad for doing it to him.

In December, geez! I thought everything's gambling. Its like playing a game and I know exactly I will lose, I really wanna stop, I wish for a restart button but I couldn't. Hah!
I kept on trying to make things right the way it used to be.. I had been trying. So hard. But the result? Big no! Situation's becoming so much complicated.

January, this month.. I was like "omg, will it be back and be alright because I'm just bored with the relationship" or "is it because of he's not the one and he's not that into me" aaaa confusing! Believe me, I'm afraid of taking the wrong path. Huhu.

Hmm did I make something wrong?

Believe me, I have no will to do that! I didn't even want to!
Do not ask why, because I didn't want it either but I have to let it be.
Actually at first I was like happy with him, so much! But as the time go
es by, something felt so wrong in here. Had been fall before, so I can easily compare how worth dying for it was with this situation. And there's a
big line between it two. The situation's different.

But I think, I have to be brave enough to make a decision..
I've been showing how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone.
I can't exactly explain why it's not enough, because I gave it all to him. And nothing seems to work.
Even if I just explain nothing if he asked me what went wrong. That makes me feel guilty because its like I'm leaving him by his side with the words unsaid. My words won't catch the air. It can't be spoken and that's such a big burden!
Well I guess I understand it all now, It's the better thing to do if he wants to leave. Believe me, its better for him to leave.
It's time to surrender. It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying when the pieces don't fit anymore

Ya,
The pieces don't fit in anymore..
I'm sorry. We have to walk in different way now..
We've had enough of trying.
May the best always be with you.
Thanks for being so kind...
I'm sorry for being such a total bitch! :-(

Tipang.

Hospitalized!

Hello Readers! Can you guys believe where the hell am I now? Yup! I'm at Omni Int. Hospital, hhh this is my third times here with the same reason (Sorry for not mentioning it, I hope you guys will understand :-) )
Hh, every part of my body are aching. And everybody can't seem to understand. GAH!! Yesterday at home, when I ate, I threw up. I ate, I threw up! Agh!!
So now, here I am! I'm here -_-
But at least thank God, my boyfie, my beloved G, stays here right beside me. And he is the sweetest remedy. I always want to be hugged by him :-)
also thank God for giving such a great friends :-)

Whoooh! Oke guys I have to take a lil bed rest now, I'll continue the story soon!
Send me a thousand of luck okay? So I might be okay so soon.
happy reading,
Xoxo, Tipang

Lesson of Life

G'nite Folks..

so much to tell you now. so MUCH. Im done fighting for PTN (Perguruan Tinggi Negri) or Nation's Universities, I'm done! Im done with an empty hand..

Since my very first test, it was selection test for UGM, there was about 20.000 people trying hard with the same chances. and yeah, i was not accepted. my second test, it was SIMAK UI, selection test for Universitas Indonesia, i guess almost all of the third grader tried that. everyone wants to be tha part of Universitas Indonesia here, well who doesnt? hmm, my result? dont ask, its a big no no. theeen, my third. a test for Universitas Padjajaran. ngahh!! still, when i checked my ID from my blackberry "sorry you are not accepted"GAAAHH!! oke oke next, UMB (Ujian Masuk Bersama) and dont ask, youve known it eh? im not accepted hehe. it brings me to my last test, SNMPTN, i choosed; Faculty of Law UGM and Faculty of Law UNPAD.. though it was the easiest one to me, im still not accepted. too bad, eh? hahahah (fyi, i was choosing Faculty of Law for all Universities.)

that was awful.. i was dying evertime I saw my screen says "Sorry you are not accepted"Geez, the baddest feeling ever. more painful than just have lost your sweetest relationship. trust me.

let me tellin you abit about my preparation, i was taking alotta courses for those selection test.. BTA (Bimbingan Tes Alumni), Salemba, and privat course at home. but still.. hahaha am i that stupid or what? but for sure, this is not about how smart you are.. you have to be lucky. smart is not enough. at all.

i used to think like God must be hates me, and i must be the most unlucky girl in the whole town.. i was crying all day. my body is dying, my heart is aching. awful how i can be dumped for many times. and the baddest feeling is to see a friend of mine thats not really serious on their studies accepted in my dreamed nation universities. aaarfghkwzxz!!

but then i saw my self in the mirror, my eyes red and puffy. i was thinking, what the use of crying? it wont change anything. it wont make any difference. im feeling like a fool, for sure. hahaha. "what the hell am i doing?!" 

then noooow, i could think much clearer than before. hehe.

I don't have to be sad bcos of those failures.. i believe, there is a reason behind it, why God didn't make it for my future. 

at least, someday i will understand about God's whole plans and why it does to me.. not now, but one day I will.

I don't have to regret things that I've already done, I should regret the thing I didn't take when I had the chance, right? at least I've tried no matter what the result is :)

keep your life well motivated.

TIPANG

School Thingy!

im just graduated since a month ago.. and now, kinda missing my school's atmosphere. and also my girls. i hate school actually, but this time, im like.......wish turn back time :(
im gonna tell you abit about me&my girls behaviour at school. here we are..


we all were trouble since the very first year at school, this is us. the eleven of us.. i dont know how could we be so close. but we were such as a big trouble in a good package i guess.. LOL! we skipped school&classes at least two times in the five days at school. the teachers? they're hating us SO much! hahahah. i cant even remember how many times we sent into the teacher's room for being rude. we also got into fights with SO MANY peoples.. if one of us were having trouble with someone, then the rest will follow and here we go again HAHAHA sounds so stupid. we're btrapped in lotta dramas i guess..

just the eight of us because the rest were skipping school this day LOL!

lets meet them a bit closer! i wanna list them down one by one.


1. Mei : i guess she loves messy look because she's one of my girls that comes to school with a messy look. hm, she skipped a lotta classes, a lot of! LOL


2. Ninis : the "dressed-up"ones. hahahah. i dont know why but she always wears a cute trademark accessories to school. yet, she's the leader of our saman team.


3. Dinda : aww my loveable sweet girl. she's kinda moody but sweet. i loooove her, she is kind :)


4. Vira : the sleepyhead! hahahah she sleeps in the middle of the class as always. oke everyone did it, but her? almost aaaall the time! OH she's also my partner in crime LOL


5. Rinda : i guess she is the most beautiful and also the kindest girl :)


6. Anti : wooow this is my lovely tomboy one. she's silly and abit crazy i guess wahahahah but no matter what, i love her!


7. Nindy : my bouncy pretty lil girlllll! she comes to school ALWAYS with a fashionable wearing uggh sometimes i secretly envying her wardrobes


8. Rili : the one with a birth scar on her chin HAHA hem she cant stop shouting. everything she's doing always "heboh"


9. Elok : my weird pretty lady hihi. sometimes she's being so talkactive till i wanna die to hear her hahaha but sometimes she's calm and saying nothing. ooh you have to see her silly moves hahah


10. Dilla : this girl is cute, and always talking without any points hahaha whatever she is, she's nice!


aaaaaaah talkin bout them makes me wanna run and come to them. been missing you girls. i want you all to stay.. this way.. like forever :)

just to make you know

hey there, i dont know why but i really want 'you' to read this
hem i want to stop pretending and lying to my own heart
ya about three or four months ago, i kept on saying I have totally forgotten bout you
and now...................................i want you to know the truth
I never really stop loving you, I just learned about how to survive and how to live without you around
i still remember the fragnance of your favourite plain blue giordano tshirt, can you believe that? yet. i havent even deleted and removed all of our photos since youve been away. in my cellphone. in my wallet.
should i mention it all to make you know? to make you understand that im not really moving? hah?
OH MY EFFING GOD!! its been almost six months and still i can feel you around.
the worst thing is, im holding on someone who doesnt want to be held on to. ironic? yes it does.
i got tired of waiting. wondering if you were ever comin back. my faith in you is fading, baby. i know you wont return. i guess i really know it.
one thing, you saw me crying over month and months and you still didn't care about me?!

nite readers, TIPANG
P.S : i know it just makes me worse and worse, but yes, i hope i'll see your face again

So Touchy

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.


copied from http://www.boardofwisdom.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaYkwItyMFk

Time To Grow

last night i tried but i couldn't sleep

thoughts of you were in my head

i was lonely and i  needed you next to me

life is harder since you left

i never meant to do you wrong

and now all is said and done

i hope you wont be gone too long

where do i go

what do i do

i cant deny
i still feel something

and girl i wish, you can say you feel the same

youve broken the bond

i gotta move on

but how do i end this lonely feeling?

youve gone,

im here, alone

i guess this time to grow

i try to speak but my words never catch the air

like you never knew i was there

take me back to the days
when you really care

can we mke love reappear

i cant go on, the roads too long

and now all is said and done

i cant go on if my heart's still from where im coming from

crying time is over

i know i cant control her feelings

if she won't return

then i guess i'll be a man and move on

make love better than what i did before

Time To Grow

Lemar ft. Justin

mungkin gue terlalu lebay atau lagu nya terlalu touchy

tapi tiap lagu ini keputer di playlist gue sebelum tidur,

i cant help my self for not crying

haha padahal gue ga ngrasa punya kenangan apa-apa deh ama ini lagu

yayaya whatever.

so this is it!

I CANT DENY I STILL FEEL SOMETHING

im gonna leave my school in less than a year

yea, i hate to write this cheesy post. but something keep triping on my head and looks like i really need to share and write something on my blog.

first.
im so obsessed and i really wanna be a part of Universitas Indonesia (law faculty). but the problem is, i wasnt confident enough to beat those thousands of other participant. facing the truth, oh yeah, im stupid.
past a couple week ago, i went to stekpi for "try out simak ui" (fyi simak ui is the problems of ordinary matter in the test conducted in ui) and i just realized that im just NO-THING compared with other contestants.
and theeen, when i got home,i cried on my mom's shoulder. i told her, how i was depressed and i wasnt okay at all. i knew my mom would support me. thats what the mothers do to keep their childrens mood nd spirit up, right? well, back to the main topic!
phew!i have these dream that i really want to achieve, and when i know that i can achieve it, i have and i would achieve it no matter what. but the problem is, im not that confident enough to suggest on my own head that i can achieve it!!





second.
im so sad and im crying now hahaha im such a fool! i havent ready yet to face the truth that im going to lose and let my friends go to reach out their future. im so selfish, i know.
three years ago, i used to be happy and full of spirit to go to the school. why? to study? oh of course not. i was happy just for catching up and gossiping with my pals. and yea we skipped a lotta classes.
my girls are my special person that could lift my mood up when im down. they are always be on my side. those girls that i'd always wanna see, wanna meet, wanna cry with, wanna laugh, hang out with and wanna do everything with. yes they are.
its really hard for letting you all go to reach your dreams out.but this is it, i have to face it that we'll be on the different tracks, and yea our life must go on, with or without having each other as closer as today.
i will be here for you all guys. i'll be here to cheer and support you no matter what. no matter how far the distance will divide us.
hate to say this but i know there will be a word, goodbye. but hell no! we're still be a friends, no matter what. no matter even you'll get your new pal or even the best one.
i love you all and theres no words can describe.

P.S : the harder you try, the deeper shit you fall into
nite, TIPANG 

Ir. Ediyanto

Daddy, I love you.
Daddy, I know you'll never know how much I love you.
Cause I never show it.
But deep down inside.
I love you like everything.

gue baru nyadar, gue banyak ngelakuin kesalahan fatal ke bokap gue. fatal, fatal. bokap gue emang sempet jadi orang yang paling gue benci dan gue hindarin. hem parah ya. bahkan gue sempet berdoa biar bokap gue mati aja :(
Tuhaaaaaan gue minta maaf gue durhaka gue jahat. mungkin ada kali ya 2 atau 3bulan gue ga pernah nyapa bokap gue.
pft, semua itu gue lakuin bukan karena alesan yg ga jelas. bokap gue-pun ngelakuin hal yg sangat fatal dan ga pernah bisa gue terima apapun alesannya. tapi gue sekarang sadar, se-fatal apapun salah bokap gue, ga seharusnya gue kaya gitu. dia tetep bokap gue.

sekarang semua nya berubah.
dari dua dua tahun yg lalu, bokap gue kembali jadi cowo yang paling gue sayang dan paling gue banggain di dunia. hahaha ini ga lebay wooooooooooooooy beneran haha. oke sekian post ga jelas dan lebay gue hari ini.

P.S : dear Daddy thanks for always answering a hundreds or millions "how" that came out from my mouth. thanks for always being around whenever and whatever it takes. thanks for always supporting and caring of me no matter what. and yea, you still my hero, as always.

sweet regards, your daughter,
tipang

God whole plans and why it does to you

hei fellas!

my life has been very tiring this whole weeks.
beh idup gue berasa (lebih) berat daripada biasanya. (oke. gue lebay wkwk)

hem i wanna ask you guys about something,
lo pernah ga ngerasa jadi manusia paling apes
atau lift your hands and cry
then you'll say "how could this happen to me?!"
or may even, "kenapa Tuhan ngasih cobaan seberat ini buat gue? kenapa harus gue?!"

pernah kan? haha ah lebe lu pada ah wkwk
tapi bener kaaaaan?

hem apa?
gue tau darimana?

yaaaaaaaaa sebenernya sih ga lain dan ga bukan karena gue juga sering ngerasa kaya gitu HAHA
yeah guys, Ive been there too, who doesnt? I guess noone.

hei I know lots of stories about someone else's bad life.
people always think that their life is the worst life of all the people in the world.

but today. i just realized.
something that may forgotten.
listen to me. im just getting started.

okay honestly, gue tau gimana elo mungkin ngerasain sial yang ga berpenghabisan, ngerasa udah ga sanggup lagi dikasih cobaan yang menurut lo berat banget, ngerasa mendingan mati aja daripada mesti kaya gini, atau apalah!

yaelah. padahal kalo dipikir-pikir, paling apaan sih masalah kita?
patah hati?
putus cinta?
dikhianatin?
kehilangan sesuatu?
ngerasa sendiri?
dimusuhin?

ya. i know those things may hurt you so bad, I know how it hurts because Ive been there on your position (or even worse)
but HEY WAKE UP!

mungkin apa yg lo alamin itu ga ada apa-apanya dibandingin sama yg banyak dialamin sama orang diluar sana.
coba liat orang yg (maaf) cacat, yg ga punya orang tua atau malah ga pernah sempet ngerasain punya orang tua, yg ga punya tempat tinggal atau bahkan uang sepeserpun.
open up your eyes, guys! think about em!

as always, orang selalu ngeliat ke atas, which means selalu iri dan bahkan ga terima atas apa yg orang lain dapetin. and they think, "kenapa Tuhan ga adil and bla bla bla"
hellooooooo~ yg namanya adil itu ga selalu berarti harus sama rata kan?
apa yg baik menurut lo, belum tentu good enough menurut-Nya. get it?

guys, come on, start from today. kenapa ga kita liat ke bawah sekali-kali. terus pikir, how lucky we are! (call me naive for talking like this)

some of great quotation :
intan tidak dapat didapat tanpa gesekan
emas tidak dapat dimurnikan tanpa api
sesuatu yg lebih baik tidak dapat didapatkan tanpa rintangan dan tantangan


(oke. gue mungkin sok bijak ya haha. tapi coba pikir, bener ga g gue bilang?)

someday you'll understand about God's whole plans and why it does to you.
now, thank God for everything that He has given to you.

"everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain. but you cant have a rainbow, without a little rain" someone ever said that :')

KEEP ROCKING
TIPANG