Nyesel. Itutuh bener-bener deskripsi yang pantes buat ngewakilin apa yang gue rasain sekarang. Dulu gue selalu ngerasa, "I'll be ok, with or without him." Terus seiring berjalannya waktu nih, dan seiring dengan ketakutan gue tentang akan deketnya dia sama oknum lain, gue ngerasa ada sesuatu yang ga beres sama gue. Gue yang awalnya ga ngerasa ada beban apa-apa kalaupun dia pergi baru mulai ngerasa seberapa penting nya dia di hidup gue, dan jujur gue ga rela SAMA SEKALI kalo dia sampe jatoh ke tangan orang lain. Serius nih ga pake lebay. Gue ngerasa 'sesek', ga tau sih tapi rasanya kaya there's a big hole in my lungs. Gila deh gue ga nyangka bakal gini impact nya.
Jujur gue sempet mikir buat ikhlasin cowo ini ke cewe lain, terus terima kenyataan dan move on ke orang lain juga. Tapi ga bisaa! Gue ga bisa ikhlas. Gue masih mikir kaya "itu kan punya gue, itu punya nya Tipang". Dan balik lagi, gue selalu mikir, yaudah lah mau diapain lagi? Udah takdirnya kaya gini.
Tapi sekarang gue sadar, cuma pengecut dan pecundang yang pasrah sama takdir tanpa berbuat apa-apa. Destiny is only an excuse for those losers who aren't brave enough to fight! Terus gue mulai mikir, why don't I try to fix my faults? Gue tau ini telat, tapi lebih baik terlambat kan daripada enggak sama sekali? Daripada gue cuma diem dan pasrah liat orang yang gue sayang pergi gitu aja, sedangkan gue cuma bisa nyeselin semuanya?
Hadeh. Sekarang, gue ngerasa ga punya otak, perasaan dan harga diri banget. Hu hu hu. Kenapa gue bisa-bisanya ninggalin orang sebaik dia, nyakitin orang sebaik dia, jauhin orang sebaik dia sedangkan orang diluar sana kesusahan dapet orang yang baik, gue malah nyia-nyiain gitu aja? Ah tolol! I wish I didn't act dumb and stupid, I wish I knew it from the very first, I wish I have a second chance to fix it all :-(
Beberapa orang diluar sana boleh bilang gue plin-plan, gue jahat, gue ga punya perasaan, gue mainin perasaan orang.. Ok, gue terima! I'll accept it. Terserah mau bilang gue apa, tapi gue cuma mau ngejar sesuatu yang punya peran besar di hidup gue. Cukup banget buat gue ngerasain keilangan 'sesuatu' itu buat beberapa waktu ini, dan gue ga mau keilangan itu lagi kedepannya. Ga akan.
Now.. Is it too late for me to come back? Is it possible for me to knock your heart for the second time? Is it okay to you after what I've done to you? Rasanya gue bener-bener pengen banting setir, make a U-turn and back to the place where I belong.. Mungkin sekarang waktunya buat perbaikin semua salah gue, gue yang mulai semuanya, gue juga yang sekarang mesti benerin semuanya. Apapun. Asal semua bisa balik kaya dulu lagi. Kayanya nyelesein semuanya pelan-pelan lebih dewasa dibanding gue cuma diem, bengong, dan nyeselin semua yang udah kejadian with doing nothing. Yakan?
Oh ya.. And for someone out there, thanks for being so kind to me, thanks for making me laugh till my stomach's aching when I didn't even want to smile, thanks for teaching a lot of things in life, thanks for being there.. I'm sorry, but you'd better find your destiny. I've been making a lot of mistakes to you. I'm a total jerk yet a major bitch. But I didn't want this way either. You deserve more, and the more is not in me. To me, you're a very very good and kind guy, you're the best example of a kind and loving brother. I'm so so so sorry, I know sorry wouldn't be enough and this isn't fair enough for you. But what can I do for more? Hh.
For last, I will confess,
I STILL LOVE YOU AND I REALLY DO!
I WANT YOU AND JUST YOU TO BE HERE BY MY SIDE!
I'M SORRY FOR LETTING YOU DOWN FOR MANY TIMES AND HURTING YOU SO BADLY!
ALL I ASK IS A SECOND CHANCE!
LISTEN, HEY YOU.. YES YOU, YOU MY G! I KNOW YOU'LL READ THIS!
I KNOW YOU'LL BE CHECKING AT THIS BLOG! I KNOW YOU STILL CHECKING AT MY BLOG, TWITTER, ETC. SO PLEASE LISTEN AND KEEP IN MIND THAT YOU STILL HAVE MY HEART!
P.S : Everyone deserves for a second chance, right?
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